F U, ELEPHANT

Warning: profanity ahead. Inspired by the hilarious www.FUPenguin.com

So of course I thought Joe was joking when he said that you could play the harmonica better than me! You’re an elephant, for Christ’s sake. I assumed that because I have lips, I have the ability to blow air into little aluminum crevices better than you. You only have that that long-ass nose you grab bananas with…. And yet apparently this is superior to my pathetic little human mouth and chubby but conveniently mobile fingers.

IT WASN’T ENOUGH that I’ve spent my ENTIRE MUSICAL CAREER coming in second place to Asians . But no, second chair violinists and 3rd place piano player to the human Asian race wasn’t enough. Now I’m surpassed by the Asian ELEPHANT? On the least-complex instrument ever? You don't even have a TIGER MOM. You have got to be kidding me.

And you HAD to throw in that little dance routine, didn’t you? Rub salt in my white, untalented, callused wounds, why don’t you????

Now, not only am I embarrassed, I owe Joe ten beers. Ten of your own GD “Chang” Beers – you self promoting, big-earred whore. F U, Asian Elephant. For being so god damn adorable with your charming musical ability…. And reminding me how much a suck at life. Thanks a lot.