Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Haiku Friday

On a Thursday! Lucky you.

On Thailand........

Full Moon over sand

buckets of booze all abound

Douchebag Paradise


"An iced coffee, please"

But when it reaches my lips

Am I drinking cake?


Tuk-Tuk twenty baht

black exhaust smells quite noxious

I need a SARS mask


Sunburnt robes layered

Your bright curtain engulfs you

What lies underneath?


A sweet, sticky clump

of coconut and white rice

with mango, I drool

On American Politics.....

Since when is war Peace?

A surge of violence out East

Barack, earn your prize


Yo, Copenhagen!

This blue planet needs healing

Stop fucking around


GITMO still open

Black hoods and jumpsuits I wore

their Justice denied

Tuesday, January 5, 2010


Warning: profanity ahead. Inspired by the hilarious

So of course I thought Joe was joking when he said that you could play the harmonica better than me! You’re an elephant, for Christ’s sake. I assumed that because I have lips, I have the ability to blow air into little aluminum crevices better than you. You only have that that long-ass nose you grab bananas with…. And yet apparently this is superior to my pathetic little human mouth and chubby but conveniently mobile fingers.

IT WASN’T ENOUGH that I’ve spent my ENTIRE MUSICAL CAREER coming in second place to Asians . But no, second chair violinists and 3rd place piano player to the human Asian race wasn’t enough. Now I’m surpassed by the Asian ELEPHANT? On the least-complex instrument ever? You don't even have a TIGER MOM. You have got to be kidding me.

And you HAD to throw in that little dance routine, didn’t you? Rub salt in my white, untalented, callused wounds, why don’t you????

Now, not only am I embarrassed, I owe Joe ten beers. Ten of your own GD “Chang” Beers – you self promoting, big-earred whore. F U, Asian Elephant. For being so god damn adorable with your charming musical ability…. And reminding me how much a suck at life. Thanks a lot.